Tag Archives: movie reviews

Age 11. Age 39. Pretty much the same thing.

31 Aug

Greetings all!  I hope the last few weeks of summer have found you well and filled with enjoyable movie thoughts.  I’ve spent the last few weeks hunting down a movie suitable for the end of this glorious summer.  I looked low and I looked high to find a movie that I could bring to you.  It took time and a lot of hours watching only the finest of movies from the 80’s, but in the end…

“You asked me.  You could have saved a lot of time if you would have listened to me in the first place.”

I know Cthulhu, I know.  I just didn’t know if this was the right movie for my readers.

“Don’t you mean OUR readers?”

No.  I mean my readers.  I started this article, not you.

“No, but due to your worship of me and my powers to manipulate the masses, well you know, boom goes the dynamite.  You get a fan and readers, and I get more souls when I make my triumphant return.”

That’s not how this worked.  It was all me, Holly and Melvin for the blog space, and my love of movies.  You were just supposed to help out on occasion.  You know, a guest writer, or a bit of comedy when the article needed it.

“Yeah right, ya pansy.  You need me.  You need me to make this article pop.  You need me to make…”

If you keep this up, I’m kicking you off the blog.  And I mean that.

“Oh, okay.  I’m sorry.  Why don’t you get to the review.  I’m sure YOUR readers are tired of listening to us bicker.”

Thank you.  As I was saying, this weeks fantastic installment is the fine feature film from 1980, Roger Corman’s “Humanoids of the Deep”. Humanoids from the deep

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Mike, This One’s For You!

17 Aug

Hey there my weekly movie loving friends!  I have looked and scoured the fabled interwebs, and I even sacrificed a goat to my favorite Elder God Cthulhu.

“That was a sacrifice?  Really?  It was small and missing two legs and an eye!”

Will You be quiet?  It was a gift, be nice.  Sorry about that folks, sometimes It’s a picky Elder God.  As I was saying, after last week’s review of John Carpenter’s “The Thing”, I received a note on Facebook from my oldest and dearest friend, Mike.  He read my review as he always does, but was disappointed that the review was not about his favorite Marvel character The Thing.  I remember walking to the comic book store with Mike and talking about The Thing and his wrestling matches in his spin off comic.  For many birthdays, The Thing was a standard gift for Mike.  Mostly action figures, but the occasional die-cast Thing or pewter Thing would also be thrown into the mix.  One of my fondest memories, and long standing jokes between Mike and me, has to do with The Thing action figure that was dressed in a trench coat, sunglasses, and fedora.  Remember that Mike?  Do you still have it?

“Will you stop waxing poetic and get on with the movie review!  Gods you’re long winded sometimes.”

Okay, okay.  Let’s got on with the review.

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“I dunno what the hell’s in there, but it’s weird and pissed off, whatever it is.”

10 Aug

Hey there my favorite movie fans!  I hope your week has treated you well and that your movie watching has gone unhindered.  This week I have decided that I am going…

“Ia!  Ia!”

Really?  Again?  I am not going to listen to…

“Ia!  Ia!”

Oh for the love of all things trollish.  Cthulhu I am not listening to you this week.  I already reviewed a movie for you.  I am not doing one this week.  Maybe in a few, but not this week.

“Aw c’mon.  Who’s your buddy?  Who’s your Elder God?  You know you enjoy reviewing my, er, I mean movies about The Mythos.  There are so many that you could do…”

Yeah, I know that, but I have fans that don’t always like you and your tentacled buddies hamming it up on the DVD screen.  I have other cool movies to review, to share.  Like the one I have chosen for this week.  It’s a classic.  I mean a classic, awesome, old school early 80’s horror movie.  It is also one of the few movies that I know that has an all male cast.

“You don’t mean the one with the guy covered in orange rocks do you?”

No you silly, blubbery…

“Watch yourself there.  Remember I’ll do the ice cream thing.”

Oh okay.  No the movie I am covering today is the John Carpenter 1982 movie “The Thing”.

“You know the monster in that movie has tentacles!”

Oh stop it!

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I slept a sleepless sleep and dreamt a dreamless dream.

3 Aug

Ia!  Ia!  Cthulhu Fhtagn!  Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!  Ia!  Ia!

For many months now, I have been preparing to review “Captain America”.Captain-America-Movie-Poster  I was prepped to slam this movie, like Cap does with his shield on Hydra Agents.  I was ready to sing the praises of Hugo Weaving as the Red Skull.red-skull-hugo  I was even going to let you all know that if you want a sneak peek at “The Avengers” movie, wait through the credits, but no.

Alas, no.  Ever since our return home from The Con, my nights have been fit filled with dreams of cities sunk below the seas, landscapes of forests that were not forests, and of beings of indescribable visages.  And always in the distance, I hear the odd pipings, rhythmic drummings, and the chanting.  Always the chanting.  No matter what I dream, I hear the chanting.  Quiet at first.  “Ia!  Ia!”.  I attempt to locate the chanting.  Where is it coming from?  Then louder.  “Ia!  Ia!”  Am I dreaming?  Is it in the house?  What time is it?  Where am I?  Then louder still.  “Ia!  Ia!”  I start to run frantically to find The WifeUnit.  She is nowhere to be found, but there is blood– lots of blood.  The chanting becomes deafening.  “Ia!  Ia!”  I scream, “What!  What does it mean?  What do you want?”  There is blood everywhere.  I see a tentacled creature in the distance, glistening with terrifying malevolence.  As tentacles slowly drag and slither their way towards me, I can only hear the chanting.  “Ia!  Ia!”  The smell of dead, rotting flesh assails my nostrils, and I can taste copper in my mouth– or is that blood?  The tentacles slowly start to grip my limbs.  I want to scream, but blood pours from my mouth.  Then the chanting stops.  Silence.  Except for the distant sound of the surf rolling in.  The tentacles constrict as I struggle to pull free.  And then I hear Its voice.  I cannot comprehend it at first.  It makes no sense, and I feel my mind breaking; falling apart like pieces of glass from a broken window.  I struggle to understand It.  I try to concentrate, and then I hear it.  Clearly as a church bell on Sunday morning.  It says to me…

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What’s small and green and thinks it’s me?

29 Jun

Greetings my movie going fanatics.  You are all waiting with baited breath for this weeks review.  I know you are.  I can here the knocks on my laptop screen as I type this.  So as not to disappoint, this week I bring you a classic June Lockhart film from 1986.  Yep, this week I bring you the awesome movie “Troll”.  This movie is a veritable powerhouse of oddity meets a whole lot of has-been actors, one classic actress, and one that has gone on to greatness, at least in my mind.  Want to see the actor that went on to greatness after this outstanding movie about a war between humans and the lost faeries of yore?  Well then you’ll have to continue reading after the jump.

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Did I see the same movie?

22 Jun

Hello my fabulous movie watching friends!  This week I apologize for the lateness of my awesome word-smithing and incredibly accurate and enjoyable reviews.  My Tuesday was so super hectic you wouldn’t believe.  First off, I got up at 3 and had to make coffee and let the dogs out.  When the dogs were let back in, I had to feed them and fight with one of them to actually eat breakfast.  The busy speed of my day didn’t let up yet.  I needed to let the dogs back out again and then wait for them to do what they needed to do, and then get them in quickly because the sun and heat in Las Vegas can kill anything, especially at 3:30pm.  After that there was the checking of e-mail (did you know that the proper way to write e-mail is with a hyphen?  I learned that on the new version of Lingo.)  After that I needed to check Facebook, because as we all know, that is super important.

Okay, okay.  You got me.  Why wasn’t my review up earlier than this?  I forgot.  That’s it, nothing cool, I just forgot.  At about 3 this morning I sat up, woke up the WifeUnit, and exclaimed, “Oh crap!  I forgot to write my article!”  The WifeUnit responded, “Yeah you did, dumb ass.  Now go back to bed.”  I did and after taking care of some errands this morning, here I sit to craft you the finest review of this weekend’s movie “Green Lantern”.  Green-Lantern Movie poster

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